Teatime with Family

This piece, “Teatime with Family”, started off being a continuation of the theme of “shadow people”, wanting to embrace horror in a domestic setting — however, as I worked on this piece, I realized it was no longer a piece on horror, but a piece on acceptance. In previous work, I had used the image of the shadow person to convey uneasiness and unrest, a sense of looming dread, but as I drew the serene look on the girl’s face, completely unphased by her guest, I felt I was doing something much harder than horror — I was confronting my own sense of insecurity and doubt. The looming shadow extended a more gentle hand, and the house that was intended to be lifeless soon had pictures of the shadows in a way more like old family members would appear. Doubt and fear have been close to me my whole life: Doubt as to whether or not I’m a real artist, if I’m lying when I say I’m asexual despite being in a committed relationship, imposter syndrome with my gender identity, and fear of failing and hurting people. I grit my teeth — I hated this piece — until I accepted it. All these feelings were a part of me, and I would grow with them whether I liked it or not. By the time I was done, I felt like I had resolved something, and I am able to look back at this piece and be thankful.